dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
