Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
