I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
