Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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