And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
