I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
