So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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