I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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