Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i drank out of a bidet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
