I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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