Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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