Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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