We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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