I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
