Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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