If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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