Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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