i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
