I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
