Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
