I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
