she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
