Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
