Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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