Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
