My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
