Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
