i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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