ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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