And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
