I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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