I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
