I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
