He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
