You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she told me i tasted like america
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
