At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
