I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
