we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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