I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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