Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
