halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
