my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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