I'm drive I can fine osifer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
