College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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