Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
