You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
