I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
