I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
