Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
