I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
