suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
