From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
