And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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