i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
