Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
