I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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